Growing Up
I had brunch today with a friend of mine from elementary/junior high that I haven't seen in awhile. During our conversation we got around to talking about what it means to become an adult. And what I found interesting was that even though she's a senior at West, and I somehow got into this med school class (which still surprises me), we're in the same situation. We're both stuck in the in-between of late adolescence, no longer kids, not quite adults. We're young. It's awkward. It's also a lot of fun.
Anyways, the point of me posting this is because it got me thinking about the process of growing up, adulthood, and all that jazz. I've had some great one-on-one conversations with several people in this class about similar topics. But I'd like to pose the following question to everyone (or at least everyone reading the blog), if you guys don't mind.
What does it mean to grow up? (That is, to become an adult.)
PS- Gspott, even if no one else replies, I'm expecting some worldy wisdom from you buddy.
posted by Anonymous @ 2:27 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
You truly find yourself in a unique place. You handle it wonderfully, I hope you know.
For me there are 3 central facets to growing up.
Societal, Physical, and Emotional.
Society will give you privileges like buying alcohol, drivers license, purchasing tobacco, renting cars, and seeing certain movies etc. based on age.
Physically we all change with age...obviously. Thing is, with your command of human anatomy you could probably teach me plenty about that :)
Emotionally. This is the biggie. It is subjective. We have learned about individuals who regress and return to an infantile state. It would follow that there are those that are way ahead of the game. I think you fall into the latter category. You have taken a big bite out of life in the last few months and I am extremely impressed with your finesse.
So that's how I see it. There are some standardized parts but most of it is personal and highly individual. the MOST IMPORTANT thing in growing up is developing a sure sense of self.
I am about 8 years your senior and I suppose that gives me the license to give you a little advice :)
That would be:
(If I could do it again...I would do this)
Come to grips with who you are. Accept the good and the bad. Become comfortable with the incredible complexity of the changes taking place and set simple goals to address the mayhem.
There is so much waste in rabid searches for security and self esteem. We all wander in life. We all explore. I still am.
Yet teenage years are highly volatile in that kids seem to want their hand in every cookie jar. They want to please the masses. They want to fit in. They want the recognition. The want peer acceptance. They want to know who they are.
The irony is that many of these endeavors are self defeating. One objective ruining the other. The most important thing (I think) an individual can do is grow a spine in their personality. Set the coordinates for the destination and then make any necessary adjustments that need to be made. Having a plan...an idea...of where the journey is headed will facilitate the solving of any crisis that may ensue.
The greatest disservice that a maturing individual can do is to deny themselves the opportunity to solidify themselves as individuals. Too much exploration is like spending all the money in the savings account. The day comes for a significant withdrawal and the balance has plunged into the red. Sure, it can be fixed...but at what cost?
The cool thing about the breed of many who enter medical school is that we are largely content with postponing instant gratification for the promise of a bright, rewarding future.
Bleed that logic over into a personal sphere. If we can be content with some of the tough things about growing up we may not be the coolest person right now. We might not have the best ______. We might not be the star of the now. But we will be stashing our reward away.
We will enter adulthood with a sense of who we are. We will have the ability to make tough decisions because we have practiced. We will have fostered a work ethic. It will be so much easier to navigate the rapids of maturation because we have spent some time building a decent boat and learning how to sail it.
Regrettably, there are many who postpone an objective inquiry to their future as grownups out of fear or apathy. It is through this personal inventory and soul searching that the "real us" emerges. Nobody wants to be shallow, superficial, or slothful but many choose the path that leads to this.
In short, growing up is discovering who we are and allowing our embryo of character to fully mature. We don't expect a neonate to change their own diapers. We shouldn't expect our teenage mind to grasp all the complexities of life. We SHOULD allow ourselves every opportunity of growing into the big shoes we have laid out for ourselves in the future.
Longwinded? Absolutely. Longwinded-Winder. That's my name, don't wear it out. :)
You are an amazing young lady. I know many people, including myself, who are very impressed with what you are doing. Whether my advice has been of value or not...just know that I wish I would have had you clarity of mind at your age. (I made myself sound pretty old with that statement!) You're awesome.
it's been scary.. but here are a few things i noticed along the way.
i like to call it "you know you are getting old when.."
1. you have hairdressers that are younger than you.
2. you no longer feel an exciting urge to ride on barfy rollercoasters.
3. last summer when you went to disneyland you were the only one there your age without kids.
4. you consider buying a house.
5. college undergrads start looking young to you.
6. you see a group of teenagers and think .. damn hooligans up to no good!
that's been my experience so far. anyway.
-maria
I think becoming an adult means that you can act appropriately in any context you might find yourself in (at least most of the time). I don't think it means that you have to necessarily stop doing certain things and start doing others, you just have to know what you can do where.
Some people are obviously better at this than others. Dr. Gill talked about gender as a continuum, I wonder if the same idea could be applied to adulthood. I typically think of it as an all or none event, but it's probably not. I guess I think there are varying degrees of "adult".
Well, since I'm literally over TWICE your age I suppose I should have something profound to say about growing up.
I've done all the things that you might associate with growing up: leaving home, getting an education, getting married, having kids, buying a house, supporting a family, etc. But none of these milestones felt like the finish line to adulthood. Almost everyone would agree that I'm an adult now (even though I'm back in school!) and yet it still gives me pause when I hear someone refer to me as a "man." When did I become one of those?
When I was your age, T^2, I used to think that being an adult would feel a lot different than being a teenager. Maybe I don't have a clear memory of adolescence, but I don't feel as different now as I thought I would. More responsibility, broader perspective, more knowledge and self-confidence, sure, but not substantially different. I guess my experience just supports what we learned in psychiatry: development doesn't stop when you turn 18 or 21 or whatever - it continues throughout your life.
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