Unrelated Thoughts from an Unquiet Mind

Since I was officially called out for being absent on our little blog, I thought I'd submit some random thoughts that I've had lately.

First, anyone notice that the prices at the pump are down about $.50 from this summer's peak of about $3? Interesting that the decrease has come as November approaches. Politicians....more like magicians. I love them.

Second, there is nothing wrong w/ mustaches. Typically the mustache is a social fauxpas for dudes under 40 (and unless it's a really thick pushbroom, it's a questionable choice for men over 40) but I think it's time for this to change. I decided yesterday to shave my beard and leave only the handlebar and already I've been mistreated for it. This morning as I was sprinting to catch the morning train, the conductor (if that's what you call the people that drive Trax) waited for literally everyone in sight to board the train--except me. He took off as I was frantically pushing the button to open the door. I saw him looking in his rearview mirror in disgust as I pounded on the button. His disapproving stare seemed to shout "F you and your mustache" as he and his little train sped away. It is officially on!

I'm so outraged by this mustache mishap that I'm going to shave the handles and leave just the "molestache" portion. For those of you unfamiliar w/ the term, the molestache is the simple upper lip sweater. It's the mustache that doesn't extend much below the corner of your mouth--it's easily the most unattractive form of facial hair and hence the most awesome. Mine will be particularly offensive because it's Larry Bird-blonde and only visible in the right light. I'm thinking that on Monday morning I'll wait for that same conductor to pull into the station and walk right up to him, proudly stroke my molestache and then challenge him to a tickle-fight just to weird him out. I'll let you know how it goes.

Gentlemen, mark my words the day will soon come when men will again look to the mustache w/ fear and envy and women w/ uncontrollable lust. I invite you to join the movement early.

Third, I'd like to issue a fiber challenge. As future physicians, we're obligated to do all we can to promote the health and well-being of the our patients, and the public in general. I'd like to invite anyone who has never tried it, to buy some bulk-forming fiber. Americans in general don't have enough fiber in their diet. Studies have shown that high fiber diets promote colorectal health and decrease the risk of cancers in this region of the GI tract. So pick any brand--Metamucil, Citrucil, or my personal favorite, Kirkland Signature (Costco brand--it's much cheaper)--and try it for a week. Mix up a little fiber cocktail after a large meal and choke it down. Yes, it tastes like a nasty glass of Tang-flavored sand, but it's worth it--trust me. For anyone worried about cost, I promise that what you spend on the fiber you will make up on a decreased Charmin bill. For those of you who can't quite conquer the social stigmas associated w/ this product, there are ways around it. Self-check out lines at the supermarket are a good place to start. Get a week under your belt and I'm confident that you'll be converted. Once you are, the best way to combat the merciless teasings of naysayers (and they will come) is to issue them a similar fiber challenge to see if they have the intestinal fortitude to respond. Flip it on them and you'll see quickly how uncomfortable they become. Some people simply can't handle a little colon-blow and I don't think it's inappropriate to mock them for it. I hope none of you will be too narrow to try this.


Finally, the Dodgers' offense officially sucks. They're a teaser team every year. Don't commit to being a fan unless you're prepared for a lifetime of masochism...or would it be sadism? Either way, being a fan is torture.

How's that Mons Pewbis? Did I find your G. Scott?