An Open Letter of Apology

My Dear Fellow Classmates,

I would like to extend my sincerest apologies for my behavior during recent sessions of our Physical Diagnosis class. I was somewhat surprised this afternoon when a classmate asked me whether or not I fell asleep with my head on the table in Physical Diagnosis. I originally denied this, after all, in the large class sessions I fall asleep slumped down in my chair and I’m only “resting my eyes”. However, she said it was during the group discussions, and so I accepted fault. And then she said there was an email sent out to the entire class.

After reading said email, I felt really bad. Because even though the email was not strictly about me, to quote another person who called me later that day (blonde, from Salt Lake proper, likes to ski, and meows randomly), I made up half of it.

No, not the IM-ing, Cosmo-reading half, the leaving the through the front doors during the interview, poor participation half. Yes, I did leave during the patient interviews through the front doors, and yes, I did fall asleep momentarily during my small group session. I recognize that these actions were inappropriate, and I am very sorry if they reflected badly upon the class as a result. I am embarrassed and ashamed that I was part of the reason why we were disciplined by email today.

Although I am not trying to make excuses, I would like to explain why I acted the way I did. As you may know (especially since I cannot seem to stop complaining, for which I am also very sorry), I have been sick for the past two weeks. I've been having viral-induced bronchiospasms. Since two Saturdays ago, I’ve taken various cough syrup/cold medication/cold lozenges, azythromycin, albuterol, oral steroids and Advair (the last four were prescribed by a licensed physician).

I have been very medicated for a rather long time. This makes me very sleepy. I have also not been sleeping very much due to studying until 1:30 AM for the past couple days and waking up at 6. I have not been getting this block that easily. Thank god it will be over soon. In addition, I have not been sleeping very well when I do go to sleep. This only adds to the exhaustion. But I should not have been catching up on sleep during our important life-changing discussions about hypothetical patient interviews. My extreme bad.

I also have this wicked hacking cough. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever had the luxury of hearing this auditory slice of heaven, but it feels like I am hacking up a lung. Last Monday I could feel one such cough coming on, and in an attempt not to interrupt the patient interview I left the room momentarily through the front doors. The reason I did this is simple, but stupid.

I didn’t know there were back doors in the classroom.

Seriously.

I’d always entered through the front door to go to class, and it never occurred to me that there were back doors. It was dark. I was hacking a lung. I left through the easiest mode of exit.

Looking back, I recognize that it was not the best way to act and I understand how my actions may have been viewed as disinterested or disrespectful. I apologize to anyone I may have offended in the class as a result of these actions. I can only give you my sincerest regrets and promise to never let it happen again. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me. In fact, I already have a plan of treatment figured out.

Step 1) Try to sleep more
Step 2) Buy a Grande Chai from Starbucks every time we have Physical Diagnosis
Step 3) When I need to use the restroom as a direct result of Step 2, either hold it or use the back doors of the classroom to exit

I’m trying to change my ways.

Best,
T. T.